Once upon a time there was a bagpipe and drum band. This band had 10 pipers and three side drummers. The band members each played well, but seemed to have some problems playing together. One day a young girl with long golden curls came to a band practice. She carefully watched the band, trying to decide if she would like to play with them.
Well, after practice the Pipe Major, lovingly called Pipie, said hello to the little girl and asked her name. "My name is Goldilocks," she replied.
"We have noticed you watching us play. Would you like to join?"
"Yes, I think I would. You all seem to be very nice people."
"Great!" exclaimed Pipie, who desperately wanted to expand the band membership.
" What instrument do you play?"
"I am a drummer."
"Wonderful! We need some more drummers! "
"Yes, you do." Goldilocks proclaimed. "You have a serious problem here."
"What!? A serious problem!?" Pipie shouted. The rest of the band members gathered close to hear the judgment of this snip of a girl called Goldilocks. "Just what do you mean?" Pipie asked.
"Well I have been watching your snare drummers. The first one is too slow. The second one is too fast. And the third!! He is just half-fast."
"Hmmm." Pipie said as he struggled to keep the side drummers from jumping on Goldilocks. "You may be right. What would you suggest?"
"Well you need someone to keep a good, steady, loud beat. This would help the snares AND have the benefit of keeping all the pipers together too. I have a good sense of timing. All I need is a large drum that is loud enough for everyone to hear. I could beat out the tempo so that you could all stay together."
Well, the side drummers, after calming down, put their heads together and decided that little Goldilocks just may have something there. So the four of them put their ideas on the table and invented a large drum that was held sideways so that Goldilocks could play it loudly. It worked so well that the little pipe and drum band very quickly went from a grade five band to a grade one and they all played happily ever after.

And so, dear children, this is the story of how Goldilocks and the three snares invented the "bass drum".